Have you ever tipped your waiter? Have you ever opened a tab at a bar? Have you ever winked at a woman you don't know? Well you, my friend, are a criminal according to the state of Iowa. That's right. In Iowa, countless rules are written into the law books that promise swift punishment for a slew of innocuous actions. Times have changed, but these Hawkeye State laws haven't! Here are 10 weird laws in Iowa that will undoubtedly leave you scratching your head!

1. It's illegal for mustached men to kiss women in public.

Sorry fellas, rules are rules. If you want to give your lady PDA you have to shave the face.

2. It's illegal for a kiss to last longer than five minutes.

Hey - if you finally shave your 'stache and get the chance to kiss your girl, make sure the kiss lasts under five minutes - or else!

3. It's illegal to sell drugs without a drug tax stamp.

It is a violation of the law to sell or distribute drugs or narcotics without having first obtained the appropriate Iowa drug tax stamp.

4. According to Iowa law, one-armed piano players must perform for free.

(We have no idea...)

5. It's a crime in Iowa to use a dead person’s handicapped parking sign or license plate.

6. Ministers must obtain a permit to carry their liquor across state lines.

7. In Cedar Rapids, Iowa, it is illegal to read a person's palms in the city limits.

Fortune telling just isn't tolerated in Cedar Rapids!

8. In Ottumwa, a man may not wink at any woman he does not know.

Listen, guys: winking is kind of creepy regardless of whether or not you know the girl.

9. In Marshalltown, horses are forbidden to eat fire hydrants.

If you are living in Iowa and have actually seen a horse eat a fire hydrant, we want to know about it.

10. In Mount Vernon, one must obtain written permission from the City Council before throwing bricks or stones into a highway.

Really? Now we have to wait weeks for approval before throwing bricks at the highway?! How preposterous!

BONUS! The Iowa Legislature once passed a resolution ordering the state cafeteria to start serving cornbread.

Because everyone knows that the key to a successful, high functioning society is cornbread. What do we want? Cornbread! When do we want it? Now!

Well, you do the crime you do the time... or not. Don't worry; these weird Iowa laws are likely not going to be enforced! They are simply products of another time and place that no one wants to bother with anymore. Phew! Did you know about these weird laws in Iowa? Do you know of any other weird laws in the Hawkeye State? Share a few life in Iowa stories with us in the comments section!

Iowa sure is one weird state. And it's not just our laws - Iowans are pretty weird people, too!